I did one coaching session with a young woman who was recommended to me by a mutual friend of ours.
Yep, there are times when it only takes one coaching session to help someone make the shift they want to make. And I love when that happens!
This woman grew up in Brazil, her father died suddenly when she was 12 and her mother died two years later. As you can imagine, it was a pretty traumatic time for her. Nonetheless, she was well taken care of by her two older sisters, an aunt and uncle. They rallied around her and each other creating a beautiful bond and support system.
One of her dreams was to come to California and pursue work in a particular field of teaching. At 23 that dream came true and she put down her roots in Northern California. That was 6 years ago and what she originally came to do is no longer what she is doing now. In fact, it’s completely different and it’s what ended up having her reach out to me.
Family Concerns
She told me that the last couple of times she spoke with her family about her new vocation they questioned her relentlessly. Telling her they were concerned for her choice and well-being. They didn’t understand what had happened to her to make such an abrupt change.
Needless to say, she was confused and hurt given that they have always been her greatest supporters. Because of this, she started holding herself back with the things she shared because their response was so disappointing. By doing so it was causing her to feel disconnected from her family which brought her great sadness.
Dimmer Switch
During some back and forth dialogue between us the words “dimmer switch” came into my mind. A little confused by this I needed a minute to integrate those words. Once understood I was able to apply, into our conversation, those beautiful two words given to me.
I asked her if it were possible to be more like a dimmer switch when sharing her new life with her family.
She wasn’t sure what I meant so I explained.
When we’ve been sitting in the dark for a long time and someone suddenly turns on a bright light it can be a jolt to our system on all levels. We need a moment to adjust to this new environment we’ve been thrown into. And in your family’s case, the new environment comes in the form of information they’re receiving about you when they’ve known you another way their whole life. It can be quite confusing and scary for them. Especially being so far away.
A Light Bulb Moment
I could see the light bulb going on in her mind (we were on Zoom) and she asked me to say more.
I shared that by choosing to be the dimmer switch she could slowly and gently shine onto them a little bit of information at a time. The new things she was doing and excited about.
And, I invited her to think about hitting the rewind button for them. Doing this helps them better understand how the change came about. Because in their minds, she had been hanging out on one side of the road doing the career she had always talked about when suddenly they’re jolted to her side of the road having no idea how that happened.
I went on to say, as you use the dimmer switch, it’s less of a jolt to their system. They have an opportunity to hear what you’re sharing without feeling overwhelmed and afraid that they’ve completely lost their sister or niece.
By this time, she was in full understanding. She saw how she was expecting them to be comfortable standing on the same side of the road with her without actually having gone through the steps she went through to get there.
No Holding Back
Because she’s so darn smart, she then realized she didn’t have to completely hold herself back with them as she had been doing. She just needed to use the dimmer switch to share things so they could be brought along more gently.
Correctomundo!!!
And to be clear – doing this doesn’t mean she would be slowing down her growth. She would simply be slowing down the way she informs her family about what was going on in her life.
People need time to assimilate what we share with them. Especially when it’s completely different from what they thought we were doing. Different from their belief system. Or different from how they have known us throughout the years.
The Result
So how did it all turn out?
I’m glad you asked! 🙂
A few weeks after our session I received an email from this wonderful young woman. She told me she did hit the rewind button. By doing so it helped them understand why she made the changes she made and they were fully supportive. Now it all made sense to them.
She’s using the dimmer switch process and that’s ongoing. This has kept them from feeling overwhelmed or confused. And she also wrote, “I’m traveling my journey at the pace that works and feels best for me. They’re on the journey with me but at a pace that works better for them!
Sounds like a win win to me!
If there’s any area in your life that the dimmer switch could come in handy, then I hope what you’ve read here will support you in using it. And, of course feel free to reach out to me if you want help with your dimmer switch!
