My friend’s sister passed away recently and a mutual friend left me a message to let me know. Although I wanted to call immediately to offer my support in any way I could, our time difference and my schedule that day left me little room to connect without being truly rushed. So I decide to send a text. Even though her passing was expected, I knew how close they were so I chose my words carefully with the hope that my friend could feel the love and support I had for her.
What I’m about to share with you – as embarrassing and vulnerable as it feels – is important because it’s a perfect example how our ego will insert itself into every facet of our life when given the chance. And how well it plays good cop, bad cop with us. By that I mean – it’ll make us feel like we’re right to feel the way we do and then the next minute make us feel like a complete heel for feeling that way.
The Ego’s Voice
When I saw my text indicated “Read” immediately after sending it, I was at peace knowing she knew that my heart was with her.
About an hour later I heard myself say,
“Why isn’t she responding? She could at least say thank you. She could even just put the “heart” icon on it. How hard is that!
Then on the heels of that comes –
“Wow, Linda!” How unbelievably selfish of you! She’s got so much going on right now! Why the hell would you go there? You didn’t send that text to get a response!”
But wait, then comes –
“Yeah, but just a little “heart” icon would let me know what I said was okay and that I didn’t upset her because I texted and didn’t call.”
Continuing on with –
“Damn! Maybe I should have taken 30 seconds to call. But the call would have been too rushed and that wouldn’t be fair to her! Oh no, I hope I didn’t make her feel worse than she already does!”
It was then that I realized what was happening.
Ego front and center
Standing on center stage was my ego. Doing everything in its power to do what it enjoys doing most – take me out of my peace and disrupt love. It snuck in the backstage door even though I knew full well that sending the text was the best thing to do in the moment. I even wrote in the text I would be calling her the next day.
This is the ego’s game with us!
It doesn’t like it when we are at peace with our choices and decisions. It doesn’t like it when our relationships are working well. When the opportunity arises it’ll turn things around to find a way to create internal havoc.
The ego loves to complicate things.
Your peace is its rejection. And it will not stand for being rejected for very long!
Forever Hold Your Peace
As I wrote in my book of quotes – Forever Hold Your Peace –
…the dictionary states about the ego, “An exaggerated sense of their own importance and a feeling of superiority to other people.”
Yet, I’ve come to understand the ego is far more than that. The ego, also thought of as the lower mind, is the part of us that creates chaos and challenges in our lives – most especially in our relationships. The ego’s highest mission is to keep us separated from others. And it creates that separation in so many ways – by spawning fear, anger, jealously, loss, abandonment, competition, comparison, revenge, judgment, silent treatment, shame, unworthiness, betrayal and verbal attacks.
The ego wants us to react immediately – and, ideally, unconsciously – to challenges we face so that we are constantly chasing our tails.
I was chasing my tail after sending that text wondering if I did the right thing or not. I went from a bit of anger, to judgment, to shame, to fear. Once I saw what the ego was up to I kicked it off the stage and reminded myself my choice came from love – end of the story.
An ending, by the way, the ego is never happy with.
The next day I called my friend and when she picked up the phone she said, “Linda! Your text was absolutely beautiful and helped me through the rest of my day.”
I shook my head and laughed at myself for the nonsense my ego brought forth, yet again!